Goodbye! I smiled.
CLICKKKK… the door closed.
No turning back.
I know I am not going to open it again.
Tried my best to control my tears.
My identity was associated with that door.
I chose to close it permanently.
I was asked to think again and stay back. I wanted to stay back.
I do not know if it is a right choice, but for now, I am sure I have to take this decision.
The most difficult decision I have ever made.
I got down from the corporate ladder to walk through a different way.
I quit my job. Job? No! it was my passion. My passion for 9 years.
9 years of struggle for existence and excellence.
9 years of success, failures, challenges and appreciations.
I worked hard, real hard with all my heart and soul.
I sacrificed my personal life, ignored my family, friends, gave up sleep and ME time.
My work was my life.
Took every challenge that came to me.
All I did was to work, work and work.
I loved working.
I never forgot for a single day what I wanted from the day I took up my first job.
I ALMOST reached that point.
But…all of a sudden,
I have decided to take up a career that is least appreciated for ages. “BEING A STAY AT HOME MOTHER“.
I know that ‘Stay At Home Mother’ has been rated as the most difficult leadership roles in the world by Forbes, but who really cares? Just because it is not ‘PAID’. Sad!
I see no appraisal form to fill and no rating to feel proud of. No presentations, analysis, counseling, trainings, team outings, monday morning meetings and that one holiday which I rarely get and I just sleep the whole day.
I was walking down the road feeling like a broken kite.
My mind was swirling with many questions.
My confidence, my pride and my independence… will they stay with me?
Will I look at that expensive dress and stay calm just because I have to ask my husband for it?
How do I buy birthday and anniversary gifts for my husband? with his money?
If I was working I would just go and grab what I like. Wouldn’t I?
It’s been three years and my life has changed completely.
My phone hardly rings.
My mail box shows only e-commerce or parenting mails.
My colleagues who claimed to be my friends never call unless there is some NEED. Infact, no one visited me when my baby was born.
I am of no help to anyone. Yes, I do get calls when few try to change job and they need a CV renewal or the best interview answers, a particular initiative presentation copy to describe in interviews or just to draft a professional mail or a document on their behalf.
Yes, I still help them with all my heart. Like Vodafone, I am happy to help. That way I get to reconnected to my work. But my way of looking at people has changed for sure. I am not emotionally connected to anyone now.
I have no time to think about anything and anyone now. All I see is a smiling face which I cherish at and a crying face which I try to console.
The day might come when my little girl with her colourful wings will fly on her own leaving me all alone to achieve her passion and chase her dreams. When I hear that click of the door closing infront of me will I regret that click of that door closing on my back I heard 3 years back?
Don’t know. Time will judge.
For now, all I know is for one tiny cute soul “I AM THE WORLD”.
That’s more than any achievement in my life.
This post is a part of Write Over the Weekend, an initiative for Indian Bloggers by BlogAdda.
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